Research suggests that we turn towards pain and
discomfort, we can experience less of it. Plus — a guided meditation for
being mindful when things get tough.
Research into mindfulness has shown the benefits of staying present,
and of gently turning towards difficulty. Mindfulness-based relapse
prevention (MBRP) trains people with addictive habits to manage their
cravings mindfully by staying present to the sensations of craving,
rather than trying to distract from them, avoid them or defeat them. In a
large trial of MBRP, mindfulness-trained patients drank and used drugs
significantly less than those who were treated with
cognitive-behavioural approaches, and a control group who attended
twelve-step and psycho-education groups. The authors of the study conclude
that mindfulness was the most successful approach, especially over the
longer term, because it enabled patients to “monitor and skilfully cope
with discomfort associated with craving or negative affect.” A similar study
with smokers found that mindfulness training was more than five times
as effective as a standard smoking cessation programme, as measured by
abstinence from cigarettes after four months (31 per cent compared to 6
per cent). Another study has suggested that mindful people are more able to tolerate their own distress, rather than react in harmful ways.
When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.
There are benefits to staying present with physical, as well as emotional, discomfort. Fadel Zeidan and colleagues suggest
that meditation practice is associated with brain changes that indicate
and reflect shifts in people’s experience of, and relationship with,
pain. Meditators show decreased activity in the primary somatosensory
cortex (an area of the brain involved in registering pain) and increased
activity in three areas involved in the regulation of pain—the anterior
insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the pre-frontal cortex. When
gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of
it, and their resistance usually decreases. They may not get so caught
up in the negative stories and evasive reactions that tend to accompany
pain but do nothing to stop it (and, indeed, may increase the mind’s
perception of it). This may be why people with chronic conditions havereported reductions in pain after training in mindfulness, even though they still suffer from the illness.
As far back as 1971, Robert Wallace and Herbert Benson found
that meditation reduced activity in the sympathetic nervous system,
which controls the “fight or flight” reaction. More recently, attending a
mindfulness course has been shown to reduce activity and grey matter
volume in the amygdala—a key indicator of how strongly this reaction is
triggered. With mindfulness training also comes a thickening in parts of
the pre-frontal cortex—the region directly behind the forehead—which may be connected to a strengthening of the body’s capacity to regulate stress. Connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain weaken after mindfulness training.
One part of the pre-frontal cortex associated with stress regulation
is the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). Poor ACC function tends to
correlate with impulsive behaviour and mental inflexibility—which are
both common among people who are under stress. Experienced meditators
display more activity in the ACC, and better stress regulation. The
capacity to self- manage during difficult situations may be trainable at
a very young age. One study
that tracked a group of pre-school children who attended a mindfulness
programme over six months found that they were less impulsive (more able
to regulate) than a group of children who did not receive the training.
The Benefits of Leaning Into Discomfort
Just the act of describing unpleasant experiences mindfully can have a positive effect on stress levels. In one study,
people with a fear of spiders were asked to walk towards and try to
touch a live tarantula. Some were invited to reassure themselves as they
approached the spider, while others were advised to distract themselves
from what they were trying to do. A third group was encouraged to
acknowledge and turn towards their fear, saying something like: “I am
frightened by the big ugly spider.” The members of this third
group—those who openly stayed present to their fear— got closest to the
tarantula, felt least upset by the experience, and had the least sweaty
palms.
Staying present to difficulties seems to have a significant impact on well-being. In Matt Killingsworth’s studies
of wandering minds, he has found that people are less happy when their
minds are distracted, even when they are engaged in an activity that we
would usually describe as unpleasant. So, for instance, even though most
people are not keen on commuting, they tend to be happier if their
minds turn towards the experience of the journey rather than wander away
from it. Other studies
have suggested that setting oneself the goal of avoiding stress
increases the long-term risk of depression. By contrast, if we view
stress as a normal, helpful indicator—something we can handle and from
which we can learn—rather than as something to eliminate, we are more
likely to experience good health and emotional well-being.
When you’ve established a stable foundation with mindfulness of breath and body you can experiment with turning towards difficulty.
Sometimes our experience is painful and difficult. And there may be
little or nothing we can do about the arising of the pain or difficulty.
In these cases. We may be able to work with what’s happening skillfully
by exploring our relationship to it. Most of us have a habitual pattern
of turning away from problems or trying to get rid of unpleasant
events. Unfortunately this often seems to increase our sense of stress
because if pain is already present, you can’t get rid of it by trying to
run away from it. So in mindfulness practice we gently experiment with
reversing this habit by turning gently towards difficult experiences
that come up in our meditation.
This practice is usually best done in small doses at first.
Preferably working with difficulties that aren’t likely to be
overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of how
you undertake this experiment. You can return to mindfulness of breathing as an anchor at any time or let go of this practice for a while if you need to, being kind to yourself.
1) Begin by settling into a dignified sitting posture.
Upright, steady, grounded. Feeling the feet on the floor, bottom on the
chair, spine erect shoulders dropped. Feel a sense of openness at the
chest, muscles un-tensed, centered, feeling the breath in the belly.
Attuning attention to sensations of the breath as it moves in and out.
Being with the breath. Being in the body.
2) And now expanding awareness to experience throughout the body.
Being in the present moment with the body. Noticing what you find and
allowing what’s here to be here. Especially noticing sensations in the
body that are more unpleasant and difficult to be with. Maybe there’s an
aching, throbbing, churning, or a tightening somewhere. There may be a
physical or a more emotional tone to the sensations. If it feels helpful
to label this for yourself, you could mentally say some words
describing the experience: anger, pain, or restlessness, for example.
Perhaps also noticing where in the body you’re feeling these tones of
sensation and emotion.
3) Now inviting you to experiment with gently taking your attention towards a region of more intense sensation.
Turning towards the intensity. Being interested in the qualities of and
changes in sensation from moment to moment. What increases or decreases
in intensity are there? What shifts in location or texture? As best you
can, staying with the direct experience of sensation and letting any
thoughts about what’s happening or urges and impulses to react be held
in kindly awareness in the background of the mind. Letting go of any
need to try and get any kind of result here or for anything to have to
change. Just gently turning towards what’s going on. And noticing what
happens without an agenda. Riding the waves of experience, moment by
moment.
4) If you like you could offer a sense of breathing with the sensations, feeling them together with the rising and falling of the breath. Breathing in with sensations, breathing out with sensations.
5) Noticing: are there any impulses to resist or pull away?
Perhaps you find your attention drawn into thoughts. Rumination maybe
or distraction. Maybe you find your thoughts trying to make sense of the
difficulty or problem solving it or judge the success or failure of the
practice by whether the intensity decreases or changes. As best you
can, seeing if you can include these reactions in your noticing,
allowing space for them to be experienced along with the sensations
themselves—without having to buy into them or reject them.
6) If it feels too much to be doing this it’s always okay to
continue with or return to mindfulness of breathing or body or to stop
practicing for a time. Gentleness is paramount here and there
are no right or wrong things to happen when you try this. Just being
interested in what does happen when you take your attention into a
region of difficulty, moving towards it, letting the experience be
observed and awareness without needing to do anything else.
7) And experimenting now if this feels okay for you with breathing into the region of intensity.
Opening further to the sensations on the in-breath and having a sense
of softening on the out-breath, of letting go. This isn’t to try and
change what’s happening but rather to offer a skillful relationship to
it. Flowing with it. Offering space to it, allowing it. You could
silently say to yourself something like:
It’s okay. I can be with this experience, these
sensations. Let me experience them fully in awareness. Let me be present
to this experience which is already here. Let me stay present to it,
with kindness being in gentle compassionate relationship to it as best I
can.
Breathing into the sensations on the in-breath, breathing out from them on the out-breath, softening, letting be, allowing.
8) Staying with the intensity only for as long as feels manageable for you right now.
If you like you can gently move your attention away from and then back
towards the intensity noticing what happens each time you work with
redirecting your attention in and out. Inviting you to be like a
scientist undertaking a laboratory experiment. Being interested in what
happens rather than seeking a particular outcome. Coming back to
mindfulness of breath or body as and when that feels right for you.
This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.
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When we deny what's difficult by
putting our heads in the sand, we create more suffering. Here's a
10-minute meditation to reverse the tendency to start digging.
Can you feel the heat?
Life feels a little more intense these days: at home, work, out in
the world. When life begins to feel more intense than normal, it’s
important to remember to slow down, turn toward these bigger feelings,
and see the bigger picture. Take each day at a time.
Life is always in flux.
Every thought, feeling, and moment is quickly changing into the next.
In the moment, when something feels difficult, it seems like it will
never pass. The practice is learning how to stay with and turn toward the difficulty.
We never really know what is coming next and sometimes the best we can
do is put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing through all
of it. I often remind myself that conflict is growth trying to happen.
The power of learning how to live a mindful life is to embrace this
truth as much as you possibly can and live for the moment with some
future planning that you hold loosely.
What I hear from most of my clients and students is that uncertainty
is what creates the most difficulty. As much as we would like to know,
to control, and to plan every little part of our lives so that it all
works out in a way that creates more security and ease, we cannot. Life
will always be impermanent and therefore always uncertain. We never
really know what is coming next and sometimes the best and most
courageous thing we can do is put one foot in front of the other and
keep breathing through all of it. The power of learning how to live a
mindful life is to embrace this truth as much as you possibly can and
live for the moment with some future planning that you hold loosely.
The more we can meet any difficulty with presence, compassion, and kindness, the easier we can move through it. It requires that we learn to stay by turning toward the difficulty versus pushing away. Meditation trains you to be resilient.
The more you can learn to stay with all the highs and lows of your
thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, the more strength you can
bring to each moment and experience.
For example, the other week, a good friend was going through a lot of
difficulty and loss. After meeting with him recently, I was struck by
how intense the feelings of sadness
and loss were transmitted between us. I spent a few days afterward
feeling off center, crying off and on, and feeling a bit agitated in my
body. At first, I was taken aback by how intense these feelings were and
noticed my mind trying to make sense of what was happening. The more I
could turn toward my experience, and the physical sensations in my body,
with compassion and understanding, I could feel the emotions passing
and releasing.
Meditation trains you to be resilient. The more you can learn to stay
with all the highs and lows of your thoughts, emotions, and physical
sensations, the more strength you can bring to each moment and
experience.
Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor shares in her research
that most emotions don’t last longer than 90 seconds. I first heard
about the lifecycle of emotions several years ago. I felt relieved to
hear this 90-second timespan because it had mirrored some my experiences
as a meditation practitioner for nearly 20 years. In the beginning of
my practice, I had big waves of emotions that definitely lasted longer
than 90 seconds. Why? I had never really sat with myself or allowed
these feelings to be seen so there was a lot inside of me that wanted to
come out. However, with time and practice, whatever feeling I was
having passed through me more easily—as long as I brought my attention,
understanding and compassionate observing to the table. In the case
of grief, PTSD, and/or depression there may be more time needed to work
with these feelings and I recommend that anyone with depression or mood
disorders consult a mental health professional before beginning or
altering any course of treatment.
I have also found, personally and professionally, that other
somatic-based therapies can be complimentary to a meditation practice
for approaching difficult emotions, including somatic release,
acupuncture, yoga, and daily movement.
What Does Staying with Uncertainty Look Like?
We have a tendency to resist, reach for something pleasant, or deny
the difficulty by putting our heads in the sand and this can ultimately
create more suffering. This is a phrase I say to myself at any time I
feel fear, anger, or confusion arising. It encourages me to stay and be
here no matter what I am experiencing:
“I am here.”
“I am now.”
“All I need is within me.”
“All I need comes to me.”
Below is a meditation practice I have been using on myself and with clients that can support you to stay with what is difficult.
Come into a comfortable sitting position. Imagine
something difficult that you are going through. It doesn’t have to be
the most difficult, but something moderately difficult. We want to
practice with moderation before we move into the most difficult.
Now, recognize your desire to push away the difficulty, to reach toward
something that would soothe the difficulty in the moment (reaching out
to someone, chocolate, distracting with technology, etc.), or denying
that this difficulty is actually happening.
Now turn toward it. Breathe deeply in through
your nose and out through your mouth a few times. Now invite into your
awareness a large figure of compassion and strength who envelops you in a
blanket of love, acceptance, and security. It can be a big cloud of
compassion, a large grandmotherly figure, anything that feels loving and
kind. Now, imagine this figure is holding you.
Turn fully towards your difficulty. Face it,
head on. There is no need to be scared. Feel this wise being enveloping
you and speaking kindly to you: “It will be okay, you are okay, you are
lovable, you are enough, you are not alone, and we will get through this
together.” Let yourself offer and receive loving and kind statements as
many times as you need until your mind and body can soothe and slow
down.
Each time, you notice yourself reaching for the old familiar way of turning away from discomfort, try gently turning toward it.
The more you train the mind to acknowledge and name whatever difficulty
is here, it won’t feel so challenging. In addition, your limbic system
and specifically your amygdala will send a signal to your sympathetic
nervous system that you can physiologically relax.
When I do this meditation, I often hold stones that are
comforting to me, such as rose quartz, while sitting on my meditation
cushion. You can find the props or comforts that speak to you.
Rushing around, juggling tasks—that’s a typical Monday. But when
everyday stress is punctuated by moments of fear and panic, it can feel
paralyzing, leading to more stress and anxiety. Mindfulness invites us
to pay attention to the moments that send our brains and bodies into
panic mode. Here are a few ways you can create some space between
yourself and your panic:
1) First, you may not be able to change your situation, but you can mindfully change your response to it. Try this mindful breathing practice.
2) Then, if you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, here’s one crucial approach that mindfulness teachers recommend.
Anxiety softens when we can create a space between ourselves and what we’re experiencing. Stephen Covey reiterates Victor Frankl’s powerful insight
and possibility: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In
that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our
response lies our growth and our happiness.”
When you react in ways that aren’t mindful, they can gradually grow into habits that are detrimental to your health
and well-being. Consequently, these patterns of reactivity further your
suffering or distress. This is why it’s so important to discern clearly
the difference between reacting with unawareness and responding with
mindfulness. When you become aware of the present moment, you gain
access to resources you may not have had before. You may not be able to
change a situation, but you can mindfully change your response to it.
You can choose a more constructive and productive way of dealing with
stress rather than a counterproductive or even destructive way of
dealing with it.
Remember, there is no other place to go, nothing else you need to do, and no one you have to be right now.
In regard to panic, when you become mindful that you are in a state
of panic, you can begin to respond to it in a way that lessens its
intensity rather than inflaming or fueling it. As your practice of
mindfulness deepens, you can gradually prevent panic attacks from even
occurring and begin to feel much more deeply at ease within yourself and
in the world.
Take It Slow
So that you feel safe, before you begin, we’d like to offer some
gentle suggestions regarding meditation and other practices. Please
tread lightly. Meditations, and other practices are meant not to create
more panic or pressure in your life but as a way to help you practice
engaging with panic in safe and relatively comfortable surroundings.
Know that you can stop at any time. Please take care of yourself in the
best way you need to.
Remember: easy does it; one step at a time. Slowly and gradually you can learn to live with more ease. The Importance of Mindful Breathing
Mindful breathing is part of the foundation of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
and often our first recommendation to anyone living with the challenges
of panic. It involves diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing, also known
as belly breathing, which is very helpful in calming the body because
it’s the way that you naturally breathe when asleep or relaxed. Explore your breath:
Take a moment right now to be mindful of your breath. Gently place your hands on your belly.
Breathe normally and naturally. When you breathe in, simply be aware
that you’re breathing in; when you breathe out, be aware that you’re
breathing out.
Feel your belly rise and fall with your breath. Now take two more mindful breaths and then continue reading.
The reason why diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing is an
“anti-panic/anxiety” breath is because it helps regulate irregular
breathing patterns fairly quickly. Often when you feel panicked, your
breathing will become rapid, irregular, and shallow. You’ll tend to
breathe mostly in your chest and neck. When you shift to diaphragmatic breathing, this will help regulate the breath so you can begin to feel more balanced and relaxed.
Foundational Practice: Mindful Breathing
Find a quiet place where you can be undisturbed. Turn off your phone
and any other devices that might take you away from this special time
that you’re giving yourself. Assume a posture in which you can be comfortable and alert, whether sitting in a chair or on a cushion or lying down.
You can learn mindful breathing by following the script below,
pausing briefly after each paragraph. Aim for a total time of at least
five minutes.
Appreciate Your Time. Take a few moments to congratulate yourself that you are taking some time for meditation.
Become aware of your breath. Now bring awareness to the breath in the abdomen or belly, breathing normally and naturally.
Stay with your breath. As you breathe in, be aware
of breathing in; as you breathe out, be aware of breathing out. If it is
helpful, place your hands on your belly to feel it expand with each
inhalation and contract with each exhalation. Simply maintaining this
awareness of the breath, breathing in and breathing out. If you are
unable to feel the breath in your belly, find some other way—place your
hands on your chest, or feel the movement of air in and out of your
nostrils.
Just be. There’s no need to visualize, count, or
figure out the breath. Just being mindful of breathing in and out.
Without judgment, just watching, feeling, experiencing the breath as it
ebbs and flows. There’s no place to go and nothing else to do. Just
being in the here and now, mindful of your breathing, living life one
inhalation and one exhalation at a time.
Feel what your body is doing naturally. As you
breathe in, feel the abdomen or belly expand or rise like a balloon
inflating, then feel it receding or deflating or falling on the
exhalation. Just riding the waves of the breath, moment by moment,
breathing in and out.
Acknowledge your wandering mind. From time to time,
you may notice that your attention has wandered from the breath. When
you notice this, just acknowledge that your mind wandered and
acknowledge where it went, and then bring your attention gently back to
the breath.
Be where you are. Remember, there is no other place
to go, nothing else you need to do, and no one you have to be right
now. Just breathing in and breathing out. Breathing normally and
naturally, without manipulating the breath in any way, just being aware
of the breath as it comes and goes.
Acknowledge your time. As you come to the end of
this meditation, congratulate yourself that you took this time to be
present and that you are directly cultivating inner resources for
healing and well-being. Let us take a moment to end this meditation with
the wish “May all beings be at peace.”
How to Practice Mindful Breathing
Give yourself the gift of formally practicing this meditation every
day, even for a short period of time. It might be helpful to start off
practicing mindful breathing for five minutes once a day and build it up
from there. Maybe you’ll find that you can add a second or even a third
five-minute session, practicing mindful breathing at different times of
your day. You can get additional benefit if you gradually extend your
mindful breathing to ten, fifteen, twenty, or even thirty minutes at
least once a day. Let this be a part of your practice of mindfulness
that you look forward to doing, a special time for you to center
yourself and “return home” to your being. Feel free to use an alarm
clock or timer; you can download free meditation timers from the Insight Meditation Center that feature a pleasant sound.
Like other meditations, mindful breathing can be incorporated into
your daily activities too. As far as where to practice informally, just
about anywhere works. Take a few minutes at home, at work, at the
doctor’s office, at the bus stop, or even while waiting in line to bring
a little mindful breathing into your life. You can also make it a habit
to take a few mindful breaths right after you wake up, when you take a
morning break, at lunchtime, in the afternoon, at night, or right before
you go to sleep. Once you’ve practiced mindful breathing at these
times, you can experiment with using it when you’re feeling some angst,
to help you calm the rush of panic in your body. This article was adapted from Calming the Rush of Panic, by Bob Stahl PhD, Wendy Millstine NC.
and fear. Any of these strategies can lead to either defensive or aggressive behavior with others, or unhealthy attachment.
L
Calming the Rush of Panic in Your Emotions
Mediation can help you explore how panic affects you not only physically, but also in your emotions and feelings.
Panic affects you not only physically, but also in your
emotions and feelings. The body and mind are integrally connected, and
often when one is affected, the other is too. Learning how to work with
the powerful emotions and feelings that come up with panic—such as
terror, a feeling of impending doom, anxiety, worry, fear, anger,
sadness, or shame—can be enormously liberating to the panicked heart.
As human beings, we are all affected by emotions. Most of us love to
feel good and hate to feel bad. We want to be liked and accepted and
despise or fear being disliked or discounted. There’s a beautiful saying
that people will always remember how you made them feel. Human beings
are feeling beings, and it may often appear that your emotions are
affected first before your thoughts. You can walk into a room and get a
feel of a person or situation before you start thinking and assessing
the situation to determine whether you feel comfortable or not.
Panicky feelings can arise as quickly as a flash of
lightning and send powerful waves of impending doom that render you
feeling out of control and not knowing what to do.
Within the body, the feelings of panic are very distinct and
visceral; there may be rapid breathing, a pounding heartbeat, and many
other pronounced physical sensations. Equally panic affects the mind
with a strong array of emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Panicky
feelings can arise as quickly as a flash of lightning and send powerful
waves of impending doom that render you feeling out of control and not
knowing what to do. Sometimes those feelings are beyond reasoning, for
it feels as though they come out of nowhere. Other times, there may be
unacknowledged emotions, wounds, or traumas from
your past that have yet to be worked through with meaning and healing.
Whether the origin of your panic is known to you or not, panic affects
your body and mind. Mindful inquiry meditation can help you deal with emotions and feelings of panic.
How to Work with the Emotions of Panic
Mindful inquiry meditation is a very useful way to work with
panic-stricken emotions and feelings. It is a meditative process of
inquiring into the nature of what may be fueling or driving your panic.
This type of inquiry is a form of investigation; it is not a process of
analyzing, trying to figure things out, or making you feel better
through positive thinking. It’s a deep exploration of your body and
mind, with a willingness to be in the unknown and the curiosity to see
what’s actually there.
This type of practice takes some willingness and courage, but if you
really want to know what’s fueling your panic, an investigation may
sound quite reasonable. After all, what do you have to lose? It seems
the only thing you have to lose is your panic. As President Franklin D.
Roosevelt said, “All we have to fear is fear itself.”
As a way to prepare you for this meditation, it’s important to
understand two important aspects of mindful inquiry for working with
panic: acknowledgment and letting be. You will discover that each
supports the other in this process of investigation.
1) Acknowledgment Acknowledgment is similar to one of the mindfulness attitudes: allowing.
It is the practice of validating whatever’s in your direct experience
in a matter-of-fact way, just as a meteorologist reports the weather:
it’s 35 degrees, raining, and overcast; or it’s 75, calm, and clear. In
the same way, if you are feeling panicked, scared, or fearful, you
directly acknowledge those feelings in your body and mind whether you’re
okay with them or not. Acknowledgment is this ability to see things
just as they are without the filters of avoidance or grasping (disliking
or liking).
2) Letting Be Letting be is another important aspect or quality that you can
bring to acknowledgment. Letting be is different from letting go.
Letting be is cultivating the ability to let things run their course
rather than trying to push them away or adding on to them. How many
times have you told yourself to let go of panic and it didn’t work? If
you could let go, you would have. Letting be is much more accessible,
since you don’t have to change anything. Letting be is learning to ride
the waves of panic that are affecting you physically, mentally, or
emotionally and allowing them to run their course, just like ripples
from a rock thrown into a lake.
In the practice of mindful inquiry, please acknowledge whatever
feelings of panic you may be experiencing in the body and mind and let
them be. Learning how to go with the flow of life is a much more
skillful approach to dealing with panic than fighting it. There’s a wise
saying: “Whatever you resist, persists.” Although at first it may feel
counterintuitive to turn toward your panic and acknowledge it and let it
be, you may discover soon enough that as you learn to go with it rather
than fighting it, it will begin to dissipate.
Although at first it may feel counterintuitive to turn
toward your panic and acknowledge it and let it be, you may discover
soon enough that as you learn to go with it rather than fighting it, it
will begin to dissipate.
It’s also important to note that when you begin to acknowledge
feelings of panic they may actually feel as though they are getting
stronger. Please know this is a normal reaction. The reason why it may
feel like that is because you’re actually bringing your light of
awareness to the panic, rather than turning away from it. You will,
however, discover that if you continue to ride its waves, acknowledging
the feelings and letting them be, they will gradually subside. In time,
you will grow in confidence, you will feel empowered, and the panic will
not be able to consume or control you as much as before. You will learn
that you don’t have to be frightened and held hostage by your panic and
fears and realize that you can live your life with greater ease and
peace.
Investigating What Fuels Your Panic
Mindful inquiry meditation is an investigation into what’s fueling
your panic, fear, or anxiety. The more you understand what’s driving it,
the more you can be free of it. When your awareness and understanding
grows brighter, the darkness of panic and fear diminishes. So after
acknowledging your panic and letting it be, you are welcome to proceed
further into a deeper investigation into what’s driving the panic. This
is called mindful inquiry.
In time, you will grow in confidence, you will feel
empowered, and the panic will not be able to consume or control you as
much as before.
When you practice mindful inquiry, you may first want to try to calm your body and mind with some mindful breathing
and then begin to acknowledge and let be whatever you’re feeling
physically, mentally, and emotionally. In this meditation you are going
to stay and investigate those feelings of panic by bringing attention to
the fearful feelings themselves. This is done by bringing awareness to
the feeling of panic in your body and mind and letting yourself
experience and investigate it non-judgmentally, just the way it is.
Allow yourself to acknowledge what it feels like in your body, emotions,
and feelings, and let these feelings be. There’s no need to analyze or
figure them out; just ride and observe and experience the waves of
emotions and feelings as they come and go. In time you may discover that
within those feelings of panic lie important insights into what may be
fueling them. You may also realize that within you are tremendous
resources for resiliency and healing—that you can learn to overcome
those powerful and captive feelings of panic and live with more freedom
and ease in your life.
Foundational Practice: Mindful Inquiry
In a quiet place, find a position in which you can be alert and
comfortable, whether seated or lying down. Turn off your phone and any
other electrical device that could disturb you. Read and practice the
script for this guided meditation below, pausing after each paragraph.
(Note: Before beginning this meditation, please consider whether this is
the right time for you to do it. Do you feel reasonably safe and open?
If not, do some mindful breathing and come back to it at another time.)
1. First, congratulate yourself that you are dedicating some precious time for meditation.
2. Become aware of your body and mind
and whatever you are carrying within you. Perhaps there are feelings
from the day’s events or whatever has been going on recently.
3. May you simply allow and acknowledge whatever is within you and let it be, without any form of analysis.
4. Gradually, shift the focus of
awareness to the breath, breathing normally and naturally. As you
breathe in, be aware of breathing in, and as you breathe out, be aware
of breathing out.
5. Awareness can be focused at either
the tip of the nose or the abdomen, depending on your preference. If
focusing at the tip of the nose, feel the touch of the air as you
breathe in and out… If focusing on the abdomen, feel the belly expanding
on an inhalation and contracting on an exhalation.
6. Just living life, one inhalation
and one exhalation at a time. Breathing in, breathing out, experiencing
each breath appearing and disappearing. Just breathing.
7. And now gently withdraw awareness from the breath and shift to mindful inquiry.
8. Mindful inquiry is an
investigation into emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that are
driving your panic, anxieties, and fears, often beneath the surface of
your awareness. There is a special and unique way of doing this practice
that can foster the potential for deep understanding and insight.
9. When you practice mindful inquiry,
gently direct your attention into the bodily feeling of panic or fear
itself. Allow yourself to bring nonjudgmental awareness into the
experience of it, acknowledging whatever it feels like in the body and
mind and letting it be. To begin this exploration you need to first
check in with yourself and determine whether it feels safe or not. If
you don’t feel safe, perhaps it is better to wait and try another time
and just stay with your breathing for now.
10. If you are feeling safe, then
bring awareness into the body and mind and allow yourself to feel into
and acknowledge any physical sensations, emotions, or thoughts and just
let them be…without trying to analyze or figure them out.
11. You may discover that within
these feelings there’s a multitude of thoughts, emotions, or old
memories that are fueling your fears. When you begin to acknowledge what
has not been acknowledged, the pathway of insight and understanding may
arise. As you turn toward your emotions, they may show you what you are
panicked, worried, mad, sad, or bewildered about.
12. You may learn that the very
resistance to unacknowledged emotions often causes more panic or fear
and that learning to go with it, rather than fighting it, often
diminishes them. When we say “go with it,” we mean that you allow and
acknowledge whatever is within the mind and body. Just letting the waves
of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations go wherever they need to
go just like the sky makes room for any weather.
13. Now gently returning to the breath and being mindful of breathing in and out…riding the waves of the breath.
14. As you come to the end of this
meditation, take a moment to congratulate yourself and take a moment to
appreciate the safety and ease you may be feeling right now that you can
bring into your day. By acknowledging your fears, you may open the
possibility for deeper understanding, compassion, and peace. Before you
get up, gently wiggle your fingers and toes and gradually open your
eyes, being fully here and now.
15. Send some loving-kindness your way. May I dwell in peace. May all beings dwell in peace.
In mindful inquiry you’re invited to bring nonjudgmental awareness
into any panicky emotions or feelings, whether they are related to
memories or not, and to fully acknowledge and experience them in your
body and mind and let them be. You may discover that within the panic is
a whole plethora of feelings and experiences that are causing the
agitation or whatever emotion you are feeling. When you begin to
acknowledge what has not been acknowledged, the doorway of understanding
can begin to open. By learning to turn toward your panic, you may
experience more freedom than you could have ever imagined. This article was adapted from Calming the Rush of Panic, by Bob Stahl PhD, Wendy Millstine NC
Feeling Overwhelmed? Remember “RAIN”
Four steps to stop being so hard on ourselves.
When I was in college, I went off to the mountains for a
weekend of hiking with an older, wiser friend of twenty-two. After
setting up our tent, we sat by a stream, watching the water swirl around
rocks, talking about our lives. At one point she described how she was
learning to be “her own best friend.” A wave of sadness came over me,
and I broke down sobbing. I was the furthest thing from my own best
friend. I was continually harassed by an inner judge who was merciless,
nit-picking, demanding, always on the job. My guiding assumption was,
“Something is fundamentally wrong with me,” as I struggled to control
and fix what felt like a basically flawed self.
Over the last several decades, through my work with tens of thousands
of clients and meditation students, I’ve come to see the pain of
perceived deficiency as epidemic. It’s like we’re in a trance that
causes us to see ourselves as unworthy. Yet, I have seen in my own life,
and with countless others, that we can awaken from this trance through
practicing mindfulness and self-compassion. We can come to trust the
goodness and purity of our hearts.
In order to flower, self-compassion depends on honest, direct contact
with our own vulnerability. Compassion fully blossoms when we actively
offer care to ourselves. To help people address feelings of insecurity
and unworthiness, I often introduce mindfulness and compassion through a
meditation I call the RAIN of Self-Compassion. The acronym RAIN,
first coined about 20 years ago by Michele McDonald, is an
easy-to-remember tool for practicing mindfulness. It has four steps:
Recognize what is going on; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with kindness; Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying
with the experience.
You can take your time and explore RAIN as a stand-alone meditation or move through the steps in a more abbreviated way whenever challenging feelings arise. R—Recognize What’s Going On
Recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting us. Like awakening
from a dream, the first step out of the trance of unworthiness is
simply to recognize that we are stuck, subject to painfully constricting
beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. Common signs of the trance
include a critical inner voice, feelings of shame or fear, the squeeze
of anxiety or the weight of depression in the body.
In order to flower, self-compassion depends on
honest, direct contact with our own vulnerability. Compassion fully
blossoms when we actively offer care to ourselves.
Different people respond to the sense of unworthiness in different
ways. Some might stay busy, trying to prove themselves valuable; others,
fearful of failure, may become discouraged or even paralyzed. Still
others may resort to addictive behaviors to avoid facing their shame and
fear. Any of these strategies can lead to either defensive or
aggressive behavior with others, or unhealthy attachment.
Some of us are at war with ourselves for decades, never realizing how
our self-judgment and self-aversion keep us from finding genuine
intimacy with others or enjoying our lives. One palliative caregiver
reports that a key regret of the dying is not having been true to
themselves. Rather than listening to and trusting our inner life, most
of us try to live according to the expectations of others, which we
internalize. When we inevitably fall short of the mark, we condemn
ourselves.
Though it may sound depressing or overwhelming, learning to recognize
that we are at war with ourselves is quite empowering. One meditation
student described the trance of unworthiness as “…the invisible and
toxic gas I am always breathing.” As he became increasingly mindful of
his incessant self-judgment and feelings of inadequacy, his aspiration
to free himself from his painful inner prison grew. A—Allowing: Taking a Life-Giving Pause
Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or
sensations we have recognized simply be there. Typically when we have an
unpleasant experience, we react in one of three ways: by piling on the
judgment; by numbing ourselves to our feelings; or by focusing our
attention elsewhere. For example, we might have the sinking, shameful
feeling of having been too harsh in correcting our child. But rather
than allowing that feeling, we might blame our partner for not doing his
or her part, worry about something completely different, or decide it’s
time for a nap. We’re resisting the rawness and unpleasantness of the
feeling by withdrawing from the present moment.
We allow by simply pausing with the intention to relax our resistance
and let the experience be just as it is. Allowing our thoughts,
emotions, or bodily sensations simply to be doesn’t mean we agree with
our conviction that we’re unworthy. Rather, we honestly acknowledge the
presence of our judgment, as well as the painful feelings underneath.
Many students I work with support their resolve to let it be by silently
offering an encouraging word or phrase to themselves. For instance, you
might feel the grip of fear and mentally whisper yes in order to
acknowledge and accept the reality of your experience in this moment.
Victor Frankel writes, “Between the stimulus and the response there
is a space, and in this space lies our power and our freedom.” Allowing
creates a space that enables us to see more deeply into our own being,
which, in turn, awakens our caring and helps us make wiser choices in
life. For one student, the space of allowing gave her more freedom in
the face of urges to binge eat. In the past, whenever she felt restless
or anxious at night, she’d start thinking of her favorite food—trail
mix—then mindlessly consume a half pound of it before going to bed,
disgusted with herself. Learning to recognize the cues and taking a
pause interrupted the pattern. While pausing, she would allow herself to
feel the tension in her body, her racing heart, the craving. Soon, she
began to contact a poignant sense of loneliness buried beneath her
anxiety. She found that if she could stay with the loneliness and be
gentle with herself, the craving passed. I—Investigating with Kindness
Investigating means calling on our natural curiosity—the desire to
know truth—and directing a more focused attention to our present
experience. Simply pausing to ask, what is happening inside me?, can
initiate recognition, but investigation adds a more active and pointed
kind of inquiry. You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How
am I experiencing this in my body? Or What am I believing? What does
this feeling want from me? You might notice hollowness or shakiness,
then discover a sense of unworthiness and shame masked by those
feelings. Unless you bring them into awareness, your unconscious beliefs
and emotions will control your experience and perpetuate your
identification with a limited, deficient self.
Poet Dorothy Hunt says that we need a “…heartspace where everything
that is, is welcome.” Without such an attitude of unconditional care,
there isn’t enough safety and openness for real investigation to take
place. About ten years ago I entered a period of chronic illness. During
one particularly challenging period of pain and fatigue, I became
discouraged and unhappy. In my view I was terrible to be
around—impatient, self-absorbed, irritable, gloomy. I began working with
RAIN to recognize these feelings and judgments and to
consciously allow the unpleasantness in my body and emotions to just be
there. As I began to investigate, I heard an embittered voice: “I hate
living like this.” And then a moment later, “I hate myself!” The full
toxicity of self-aversion filled me.
Not only was I struggling with illness, I was at war with the
self-centered, irritable person I believed I had become. Unknowingly, I
had turned on myself and was held captive by the trance of unworthiness.
But in that moment of recognizing and allowing the suffering of
self-hatred, my heart began to soften with compassion.
Here’s a story that helps to describe the process I went through.
Imagine while walking in the woods you see a small dog sitting by a
tree. You bend down to pet it and it suddenly lunges at you, teeth
bared. Initially you might be frightened and angry. But then you notice
one of its legs is caught in a trap, buried under some leaves.
Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern. You see that the
dog’s aggression sprang from vulnerability and pain.
This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful, reactive ways,
it’s because we’re caught in some kind of painful trap. The more we
investigate the source of our suffering, the more we cultivate a
compassionate heart toward ourselves and others.
When I recognized how my leg was in a trap—sickness compounded with
self aversion— my heart filled with sorrow and genuine self-care. The
investigating deepened as I gently put my hand over my heart—a gesture
of kindness— and invited whatever other feelings were there to surface. A
swell of fear (uncertainty for my future) spread through my chest,
followed by an upwelling of grief at losing my health. The sense of
self-compassion unfurled fully as I mentally whispered, It’s all right,
sweetheart, and consciously offered care to the depths of my
vulnerability, just as I would to a dear friend.
Compassion arises naturally when we mindfully contact our suffering and respond with care. As you practice the RAIN
of Self-Compassion, experiment and see which intentional gesture of
kindness most helps to soften or open your heart. Many people find
healing by gently placing a hand on the heart or cheek; others, in a
whispered message of care, or by envisioning being bathed in warm,
radiant light. What matters is that once you have investigated and
connected with your suffering, respond by offering care to your own
heart. When the intention to awaken self love and compassion is sincere,
the smallest gesture—even if, initially, it feels awkward— will serve
you well. N—Natural Loving Awareness
Natural loving awareness occurs when identification with the small
self is loosened. This practice of non-identification means that our
sense of who we are is not fused with any limiting emotions, sensations,
or stories. We begin to intuit and live from the openness and love that
express our natural awareness.
Though the first three steps of RAIN require some intentional activity, the N is the treasure: A liberating homecoming to our true nature. There’s nothing to do for this last part of RAIN; we simply rest in natural awareness.
The RAIN of Self-Compassion is not a one-shot meditation,
nor is the realization of our natural awareness necessarily full,
stable, or enduring. Rather, as you practice you may experience a sense
of warmth and openness, a shift in perspective. You can trust this! RAIN is
a practice for life—meeting our doubts and fears with a healing
presence. Each time you are willing to slow down and recognize, oh, this
is the trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is
judgment…, you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting
self-beliefs that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience
natural loving awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any
story you ever told yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically
flawed.”
A friend of mine was sitting with her dying mother while she was in a
coma. At one point the mother opened her eyes, looked at her daughter
with great lucidity, and said “You know, all my life I thought something
was wrong with me.” She closed her eyes, sank back into a coma and died
shortly thereafter. For my friend, her mother’s words were a parting
gift. They inspired her to dedicate herself to the mindfulness and
self-compassion that frees us.
We each have the conditioning to live for long stretches of time
imprisoned by a sense of deficiency, cut off from realizing our
intrinsic intelligence, aliveness, and love. The greatest blessing we
can give ourselves is to recognize the pain of this trance, and
regularly offer a cleansing rain of self-compassion to our awakening
hearts.
